I heard a great statement the other day - "I have so many people I can do something with but I have no one I can do nothing with." We all need someone we can do nothing with!!
I guess that's why I don't place great emphasis on a person's interests and having those similar interests being a criterion for liking or not liking that person. I have often found that you can have the same interests as someone else and still not like being around that person. We often mistake like interests as being a key factor in attraction, but that is not the case. Chemistry is much more allusive; having to do with essence rather than interests.
The reason why understanding this concept is so important is because unless you connect on a more refined level, essence to essence, you will never feel completely comfortable. You do not want a relationship that is solely defined by the things you do. Playing tennis may be something that you both love and do often, but what happens when it rains? A rainy day kind of means doing nothing; lying around, not talking, just hanging with one another. If you constantly need to be doing something, doing nothing will frighten you. And yet doing nothing is exactly what you need to be able to do with someone you love.
Nothing is sexier than doing "nothing", just hanging out, enjoying one another's company. Sometimes when I am asked what my interests are, I say I have none. (I guess it's the little brat in me!) That doesn't mean that I don't have any, it just means that's not what I want to focus on. I have often found that even when all my interests line up with another's, I still can feel nothing compelling, nothing that draws me closer to that person.
So what's the real X factor? For me, it's a state of being; the ability to be comfortable in your own skin and the clarity to know that is what you want to feel with another person. I once gave someone the time-out signal (I know, I couldn't believe I did it - it just happened!) when they would not stop talking. A key for me is if I can be quiet with the person, be comfortable in the silence.
Nothing reflects a strong and healthy relationship more than sharing the same space, saying nothing, and feeling totally connected.
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