Grieving is a natural part of the relationship cycle. Somehow we feel if we are the one to leave that the leaving will be less painful, but oftentimes we kid ourselves in our haste to move on. Every relationship has a beginning, middle and end and it is important to pay attention to your feelings every step of the way. Unless you are able to stay present during the separation phase of your relationship, you will suffer a backlash that hits you when you least expect it. Remember, we all cry for the dreams that don't come true. All of us want so much for love to succeed that even when we know the relationship is not good for us and it needs to be over, we are sad.
Paying attention to your feelings is the only way to move on. There is no fixed amount of time to grieve but rather the ability to honor your feelings and cut yourself some slack. A long time ago someone gave you bad advice and told you to "keep busy" so that you wouldn't have to feel. (How's that working for you?) This is the opposite of what you need to do.
When a relationship ends - regardless of who initiated the break-up - you need to stop, sit quietly, and not start running around. Opening your heart is not something you do easily and when you have been disappointed in love there is a tendency to close down, to become cynical, to stay angry and feel "right". Going forward under the guise of protecting yourself, you may manage to keep the hurt away, but you also shut out the love. Remember, you have only one heart and the heart you close to hurt you also shut to love.
Do not feel there is anything wrong with you if you feel this way. When love doesn't work we get sad; everyone gets sad. Loving produces a sense of euphoria because it makes us open, opens our hearts in a way they are usually closed. So when we realize a heart, our heart, that was once open is now closed, we get sad. We grieve for the dream, not the reality. The reality is that the relationship was bad for us; we didn't like who we with that person, and yet we grieve for the dream, the hope of a real connection that seemed so near, yet was really so far away.
Grief is a natural part of life and something that most people avoid, yet grieving is what cleanses the soul and allows us to move on. Unless you are willing to feel your feelings of sadness and loss, you can never move on and stay OPEN. Staying open is the key to bringing love into your life; and feeling those feelings (that you want to run from) is what makes you brave and present. So...do not run from these feelings. As long as you are willing to feel them, they will pass through you like day follows night and your heart will stay open to loving.
why does there have to be a separation phase of your relationship. And if somebody brakes up with you and will say your a very good person why are you shutting to love. You didn't brake up. You make it sound like brakeup is suppost to happen will its not.
Posted by: bill | November 12, 2010 at 03:53 PM