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November 02, 2009


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I made excuses for his abusive comments. I bought into, "You're much too sensitive," or you have no sense of humor." I questioned my judgement, and I thought, "Maybe he's right. Maybe I'm too sensitive. Maybe he was kidding." I had heard it so often that after a while, I believed it. Strangely, the uncomfortable feeling, being the 'known,' felt safe. Even though it was a painful 'known', I hid behind it. The fear of the unknown felt worse, and kept me locked in. I say, 'locked in,' because in the last months that I was still there, I actually felt imprisoned. I was emotionally imprisoned. Even when I left, I was so used to putting his behavior 'comfort before mine,' that I would get waves of feeling guilty for leaving him. I felt as if I was abandoning him. Still, all about him. Living outside of the entrapment of that narcissistic person, with meditation (Guru-omm), and self exploration, I slowly understood that I had 'abandoned me' a very long time ago. Away from that relationship that had imprisoned my being, I'm able to rebuild my self respect and dignity. As Chandra has pointed out, you grow by facing your demons, not by sitting behind the wall of comfort. Yes, your world is a reflection of your own perception. But you do have the freedom of choice. I say, 'choose freedom.' I say, 'choose your reality.' Choose your Karma. Don't allow that choice to be made for you.

Chandra Alexander, MSW

Judy - You have found your voice and I am sure your awareness will help others to "get it". Once we do the hard work that is necessary to face reality, we are never the same. There are many more transformations in store for you, but this is a big one. You need to feel good about yourself. Good Job!!!

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