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« Living Your Truth - To Be True To Yourself is the Work of a Lifetime! | Main | The Art of Communication - How to Do It! »

October 21, 2009


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Jeanie Marshall


I appreciate your thoughtful and succinct article on a really important topic.

Many blessings,

Butler Project

Great post!

I especially loved what you said about "should" and "ought." I made such a positive change in my own life when I quit using those words! I cringe when others say them.

Thanks for an excellent reminder about loving yourself.

Carolyn Stone


I love ypur Many Blessings closing--I'm going to use it :)

chandra alexander, msw

Thanks for the comment and being part of the journey. I wish you the very best!


Someone told me, "Stop 'shoulding' on yourself." I spend the better part of the last 20 years doing what I thought I 'should do.' I stayed in a dysfunctional marriage because of guilts and 'shoulds.' I take full responsibility for the development of my marriage relationship as it was. I have learned that I had taught my husband that it was OK to treat me badly. I so understand what Chandra means when she says, that 'you' feel guilty when you are doing something that you don't want to do....I am not a young woman, but having finally freed myself to get happy, I feel younger than I have in years. I know that I made the best choice for me. I have finally begun to take care of me. I thank Chandra whose books, tapes, workshops and blogs have been so influential to getting me to make a choice to 'save myself.' Thank you Chandra... Judy

chandra alexander, msw

You are welcome. BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! You got it. Chandra


I am just at the beginning of taking responsibility for my own choices. Letting go of being the victim, and like other posts on your sight, realizing I taught people it was okay. Then, I would scramble around to get some strand of affection, a pattern I learned in my early years. I turn to your website often for comfort and strength. Instead of running to a new partner to help fill my emptiness, I am living through the process on my own. Thank you for your insight. I am building confidence in my journey.

Chandra Alexander

Mary - Thank you for sharing your insights. I am so glad some of what I say has been able to point you in the right direction and ease your journey. Confidence comes from doing the hard work - that's what gives self-respect and self-esteem. You need to be brave not to run to a new partner for that momentary fix. Bravo. Good job!!


Dear Chandra and followers,
Today is Christmas day, and I have been given an amazing gift. I have been "inviting the creepies in", and living through the anxiety of change. This is the first Christmas in 20 years that I have woken up alone. However, I don't feel alone, a good spirit is with me. I went for a long walk, saw several smiling faces, and lifted up my hands to a higher power to say thank you. Feeling loved and secure inside my own skin has been a challenge for me. I did attract a partner in my life that matched that frequency - leaving my self esteem falling farther and farther. It's me that can change that, and I am.
Thank you Chandra, and bless you!

Chandra Alexander

What a great comment on Christmas!! Spending time alone and being able to enjoy your own company is the ONLY way to have a healthy relationship. I wish you the very best and know with this attitude you will be able to create loving relationships. Have a great holiday and a fabulous New Year.

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