Married, Separated or Available?

Are you dating someone who is either married or separated? If you are - Things You Need to Know:

1. 1. There is a reason why divorce and separation are two different stages – one is final, one is not.

• It is always best to wait till someone is divorced.
• In my practice, I have known many people who have all the intention in world of getting divorced, but somehow never do.
• Also, many who are separated go back to their spouses.

2. In order to be fully present in one relationship, you must be out of the other.

• Ask if you are unsure of someone’s status.  Anyone really available will not begin a new relationship until out of the present one.
• I remember once asking a guy if he was divorced. He said, “It’s the same as being divorced”. I asked him just exactly what that was. He told me he had been separated for many years and that they had an agreement. Is that unattractive or what?
• Ask yourself - Do you really want to be with someone who is available for a real relationship?

3. Married people (separated people) are not available – period.

• OK. Here’s the deal. If you’re married, you are not really available to begin a new relationship. And what a crummy way to start a new relationship.
• If you are in the process of “getting” a divorce, much of the conversation is about that – what is going on with your ex., he said, she said stuff, lawyers and conversation about when the divorce will be final, etc.
• Do you want to begin a new, fresh relationship, talking about old, stale stuff?

4. If you really want intimacy, choose someone who is available.

• Intimacy is about openness and openness results from having closure.
• Only when you are done with one thing, can you begin another.
• Starting new means having taken the time to make peace with your past.