Repetition Compulsion

Do you notice a pattern in your relationships?  Every time you leave one relationship and start another is there something familiar about the partner you choose?  You know - different name, different looks, different job, but same person.  If so, you are most likely dealing with family of origin issues.

For example, if you are female and your father was emotionally unavailable to you, you will continually choose men who are emotionally unavailable.  You will constantly complain about a lack of intimacy in your relationships and assume your partner is responsible for this.  But that is not the case. 

From the get-go, you choose a partner with patterns of behavior similar to those of your father with the assumption being - if I can get this guy to love me, finally I will be loveable.  But you set it up from the beginning to fail; and as a result, you become addicted to the struggle, the struggle of "trying" to get your partner (your father??) to love you.  Freud calls this "repetition compulsion." Freud

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