Are You Dreading Thanksgiving Dinner?

With holiday get together's right around the corner, are you already nervous about spending an evening with people you don’t like? If a meddling mother-in-law or an Archie Bunker father-in-law threatens to ruin your holiday fun, learn how to deal with these issues before, during and after dinner.

1. Potential problems need to be discussed and addressed BEFORE everyone shows up.
   • We usually wait to the last minute to do things that cause us anxiety, but once again Thanksgiving is upon us.
   • Do NOT show up for dinner harboring a grudge. If you cannot control your emotions, stay home.
   • Also, if you are the host, remember, whomever you invite to your house is your guest. If you do not feel you can be civil, do not invite the person or better yet, have the dinner somewhere else (so you can leave if you have to.)

2. Partners need to support one another and be very clear about priorities.
   • Oftentimes the dinner table, with everyone present, is the time people pick to bring up issues. Wanting consensus of view is very tempting and more times than not backfires.
   • Partners need to discuss potentially explosive situations beforehand and be UNITED on how to deal with the various issues.
   • There is nothing more unattractive than spouses eliciting support for their different points of view and getting everyone involved in the process.
   • It is a responsibility to have dinner for everyone at your house. If you and your partner are the hosts, it is up to the two of you to make sure everyone is treated with dignity and respect.

3. Abusive behavior is never acceptable. Speak up and set boundaries.
   • An excuse that will not fly is, “This is just the way my father is”, when he says something unkind or abusive.
   • Either as a host or guest, you need to speak up when someone at the table is being diminished, ridiculed, or abused in any way.
   • Say in a very firm way that is non-confrontational, “This conversation is not appropriate and needs to stop now. Please pass the turkey.”

4. Just because you allowed something to happen once, does not mean you have to allow it again.
   • You don not have to put up with something again just because it happened once before. Learn from your mistakes. If something felt bad last year and it has not been addressed, the likelihood of it happening again this year is strong.
   • When your sense of obligation overrides your common sense, you are setting up for failure.
   • Nothing is worse than a dinner gone array. What was initially a celebration has now become a night of hurt feelings. Deal with these issues before the big night.