How to Discipline Your Child

1.   Differentiate between not liking the bad behavior and still loving the child.
   • This is the most important element in communicating with your child. Unless YOU know the difference between bad behavior and the essence of your child, you will never be able to let your child know that it is his bad behavior you don’t like and that you still like him.
   • Children instinctively know how you feel about them; be conscious of focusing on the specific behavior and not generalizing on everything that the child has ever done wrong.

2. If you fight, you must win. When children win, they do not respect you and they do not feel safe.
   • This is not a battle where you go into combat, child to child, but rather a general in charge of the troops.
   • Do not get defensive. To gain a child’s respect you must come from a place of confidence and set firm and decisive boundaries.

3. Children KNOW exactly how to divide parents and will go for the weakest link.
   • Children are uncanny when it comes to getting their way; they know exactly who will say yes and who will say no.
   • Unless parents are unified and support one another, there will always be conflict around disciplining children.
   • If you disagree with your partner’s assessment of the situation, discuss it privately, and if need be, make a new decision jointly.

4. Make sure your child knows the exact consequences of his/her bad behavior.
   • Never say, “If you do that again, you are going to be in big trouble.” No one knows what that really means and no one takes it seriously.
   • State specifically what the punishment will be and ask your child to repeat the consequences back to you. This way everyone will be on the same page.

5. Reinforce good behavior and discipline without anger and guilt.
   • If you are guilty or angry when you discipline, your position as the leader, the one in charge, is weakened. If you are frustrated, walk away until your energy is steady and positive. Disciplining from a frustrated place never works.
   • All good behavior needs to be recognized (just like bad behavior is pointed out.) Changing is never easy, so when we change, it always feels good when someone notices.

Are you constantly fighting with your child about discipline? If you are totally exhausted from parent/child battles that occur on a daily basis in your house, learn how to discipline with peace and dignity.