Surviving an Affair

Can your relationship survive an extra-marital affair?  If you’ve been cheated on but decided to stay in the relationship, this is what it takes for two people to heal and re-build a broken marriage. 

1. Admit that it’s broken and don’t try to fix it – Build a new one.
   • Going back to the way it was is not an option and besides, you don’t want to do that anyway.
   • By the time an affair happens, the bonds of a relationship are broken. 
   • The only way to begin again is to truly start at a beginning – and that is never easy. 

2. Put all the cards on the table – No more secrets!
   • If there was ever a time to come clean, this is it. 
   • Secrets are poison and keep people separated from one another.
   • What’s a secret?  A secret is a betrayal.  It’s withholding information from your partner; information that you know and your partner doesn’t.

3. Take responsibility for changing yourself only.
   • Even if you have been cheated on, step up, and take responsibility for being in the relationship. 
   • Betrayal does not happen overnight.  Be honest with yourself. I am sure there were many signs and signals you choose to overlook.

4. Cheating is always about the cheater – Don’t feel rejected!
   • It is very difficult not to feel rejected when you have been cheated on, but that is exactly what you must work on. 
   • Just like lying is a character issue and always about the person who is lying, cheating is also a character issue and always about the person who is doing the cheating. 
   • Either we feel cheating is okay or it is not.  Unless YOU refuse to cheat, no matter what, you will always be tempted when things do not go your way.

5. If you can’t forgive, you need to leave.
   • As the one who has been cheated on – you need to ask yourself if you can forgive.  If you feel you cannot, you need to leave.
   • Forgiveness comes from wanting to feel right rather than wanting to be right.
   • Once you decide that you want to stay in the relationship and move forward, all discussion of the affair needs to stop.

Comments

[James]

This Blog Entry is featured on the Carnival of Self-Mastery. Check it out here:

http://www.ananddhillon.com/blog/2008/08/carnival-of-self-mastery-august-5-2008/