Do you have a spouse and children, a job you go to everyday and a life that appears busy and full, and yet on the inside you feel numb? If you are simply going through the motions of a life but feel nothing, learn why feeling something, anything, is better than feeling nothing at all.
We have all heard the saying, “Before you can love anyone else, you need to love yourself first”. But what does “loving yourself first” really mean? How do you put into practice every day the art of loving yourself?
3. Listen to your inner voice by quieting your mind.
4. Accept your past – You did the best you could at the time.
5. Examine your thoughts, feelings and actions; they create your world.
From the moment you meet your therapist or Life Coach, you should feel a connection. If your therapist cannot connect to you on the FIRST visit, you need to leave and never come back. I am not talking about feeling happy, I am talking about a connection. What that means is that you have a feeling inside you that says, "I feel like this person can help me or there is something about this person I trust". You will know immediately; you will be able to "feel" it. This is NOT an intellectual process, i.e., not something that lends itself well to a check list. How many time times have you gotten everything on the list and still have not gotten the prize? Feel what the prize feels like.
On your first session, the therapist/Life Coach should "get" who you are. Without knowing every single detail, the therapist should give you feedback to let you know that you are understood and that "help is on the way". A therapist can't fake this stuff. Either we know what's going on, or we don't. When the therapist feels confident, the client feels confident as well.
When clients meet the right Life Coach/Therapist they know because they immediately become motivated to become something more. They know they need to change and now feel they may have found a way to do it. That does not mean that there is not hard work ahead, but rather that the work is worth it.
Two important things need to happen simultaneously: A therapist needs to work from the inside out and outside in. From the "inside out" means that it is important to understand "why" we do certain things and to have insights and ephanies. From the "outside in" means that we need to take those insights and ephanies and bring them into action in the world. What is the good of insights if we can't make them work for us? We might as well be sitting on the couch smoking weed and having an insight!
In Behavioral Therapy, behavior is changed whether or not the client understands the underpinnings of that behavior. In Psychotherapy, clients talk, have insights, but are never required to make those insights into real life, into reality.
Therapists who know what they are doing require both insight and action., i.e., both psychotherapy and behavioral therapy. A good therapist leads a client to insights and inspirations but holds them accountable for bringing those realizations into action in the real world. A sharp therapist understands that only by manifesting these changes on the physical plane can a client begin to change the hard-wiring, and thus finally move in a new direction.
There is probably no more difficult task than choosing the right therapist. Finding the right therapist/Life Coach takes some time and effort. It is never a good idea to choose a therapist based on money. I am not saying that you do not have to take your finances into account, but rather simply that you know what you are getting into. The best way is to take the money aspect out of the equation. Say to yourself, "Self, if I had all the money in the world and could afford anyone, who would I go to?' There's your answer. Now what you do with that - that's up to you.
Remember, a therapist is first and foremost a person, just like you. Unless the Life Coach/Therapist you choose lives an outstanding life, one filled with dignity and self-esteem, how can these qualities be passsed on to you? Every client instinctually KNOWS if the therapist is authentic; we can feel it. We are only going to listen to someone who has walked the walked, not just talks the talk.
Does Psychotherapy work? If by psychotherapy we mean pure talk therapy - the answer is no!!! There is nothing worse than constantly repeating your story and not having anyone stop you. How often do you hear of someone being in therapy for five years and still having a messed-up life?
Not only does it not work, but it actually does harm. The more we repeat our dysfunctional story, the more hard-wired it becomes. Therapists who sit back, say nothing, and let us just keep yapping on as they collect our money, do us a grave disservice. We need to be stopped; we need the story to end and we are hoping someone will stop us. That is why we are paying a professional - we want to be stopped.
Freud was right about some things. He said the basis of our existence was love and work. He was right about that. But psychotherapy - he was wrong about that. The client needs a dialogue with the therapist and sometimes a monologue from the therapist. The same way parents teach children by modeling, that is the way the therapist needs to teach the client. As parents, would we ever just let our child keep making the same mistake again and again without stepping in?
Clients come to therapists because they are hoping we know something they don't. If we don't speak up, who will? (to be continued)
5. Your PAST can work for you if you let it.
Are you being verbally and emotionally abused and are you finally getting tired of it? NOW is the time to stop the abuse and take your power back.
2. When you stop seeing yourself as a victim, you take your power back.