Do You Have Intimacy in Your Friendships?

 

 
Are you aware of not having intimacy in your friendships? Being intimate is always about you, not the other person. The choices you make create your relationships and define who you are.

 We all have a dark side, a side we want to keep hidden, afraid if we share it, it will come back to haunt us.  But what really haunts us is what we keep hidden.  It takes a whole lot more energy to be secretive and "private" than it does be be open and connected.  Besides, once we open up we are relieved, and realize our secrets were not such a big deal.  After all, we are all human and it is through that humanity that we are connected.  Nothing feels better than being known and accepted for who we really are - the dark side as well as the light.  This is the core of intimacy. 

     1. Anyone who wants real intimacy will at some point stop complaining. 

• Being intimate is ALWAYS about you; it represents your degree of openness.
• If you are in a relationship that lacks intimacy, ask yourself why you are staying.  What excuses are you making?
• If the other person refuses to be open, you can accept the relationship will only go so far and take it for what it is - an acquaintance.  

    2. You must be willing to self-disclose.  This is most important!

• Unless you are willing to let another person in, you will never have intimacy.
• Are you two thieves in the night? Are you best friends?
• Intimacy is about trust. Do you trust her/him with your vulnerabilities?

    3.You cannot wait for the other person to do it first. If you do, it will never happen.

• This says it all!
• Being guarded and protected is the opposite of love.  Secrets push people away. 
• Getting to know another takes time; allow the process to happen naturally. 

    4. You must be vulnerable to be intimate.

• Are you able to share feelings that only you feel?
• This kind of intimacy comes from being open and real.
• When you are intimate with yourself – you know who you really are – only then can you be intimate with another.

    5.  Unless you are comfortable with yourself, you can never be intimate with another.

• Intimacy is about accepting your dark side as well as your light.
• Have you made peace with your demons?  We all have them.
• We love the most the ones who love and accept us.