Chandra Unplugged - No nonsense, Straight-up blogging from a Life Coach

Taking the Mystery Out of Spirituality - Being Present

The only thing worse than living a shallow life, with no curiosity whatsoever about why you were born or what you are here for and what you need to learn and do, etc., is to get stuck in the world of "spiritual materialism". 

The first person to coin this phrase was Chogyam Trungpa.  In it, he offers the following passage about spiritual materialism: “Walking the spiritual path properly is a very subtle process; it is not something to jump into naively. There are numerous sidetracks which lead to a distorted, ego-centered version of spirituality; we can deceive ourselves into thinking we are developing spiritually when instead we are strengthening our egocentricity through spiritual techniques. This fundamental distortion may be referred to as spiritual materialism.”

What happens is that under the guise of becoming more conscious we actually become less.  The more seminars we attend, the more classes we complete, the more eco-friendly products we use, the more "conscious" we feel we are becoming, but that just isn't so.  Ego is ugly and it rears it's head in many forms; getting attached to the various forms actually takes us further away from the Truth. 

If you are mostly OUTWARD directed - need to be doing something, anything, most of the time - that is the OPPOSITE of spirituality.  If you think that enrolling in course after course will give you happiness, that is not the case.  There is NO course, no pill, no vitamin, no laser pulse machine, no book, no food, no anything, that will change your energy other than the hard work you do to quiet your mind and open your heart.  It's not just that these extraneous things don't do it, it's that they actually take you further away from your true Self.  It's a double whammy that ends up making you feel self-righteous and not delivering any real sense of peace.

To begin to access your inner Self there is nothing more important than being present.  This is NOT an easy task.  ONLY when you are present are you conscious; at all other times you are either in the past or the present, one step away from the action.  It means stepping into life and doing one thing at a time and giving it your full attention.  If you multi-task, text and talk at the same time, constantly answer your phone when you are having lunch with someone, not only is your energy scattered, but you are virtually asleep.  The more we move about, the more important we feel, but a life of movement and drama is not the same as a conscious life, a life of substance.  How can you connect when you are not present?

Connecting is what breaks the walls of separateness and dissolves the ego.  It is our ego that makes us feel separate, disconnected from one another, cut off from love.  Being present is what connects us. This takes discipline and hard work and is not for the faint of heart.  By slowing it down we actually get more done and nothing conveys love more than paying attention. 

So...are you courageous enough to put down all your tools - the pills, the journal (yes, even that!), the courses, the healers, the chanters - and walk bravely into life with no props other than life itself?  The lessons that come to you on a daily basis are the lessons that will set you free.  They are the universe's way of providing you with the perfect path, one meant exclusively for you.  Whether it be extricating yourself from an unloving relationship with an abusive spouse or parent, or finding work that nourishes your soul, if you are brave enough to not get distracted, you will automatically do the "spiritual" work that is meant for you.  This is the beginning of of Self love: the real work of the spirit.  

 

Moving On - The Medium is the Message

According to Wikipedia, "The medium is the message" is a phrase coined by Marshall McLuhan meaning that the form of a medium embeds itself in the message, creating a symbiotic relationship by which the medium influences how the message is perceived.  And it's not just how the message is received but how the message is delivered!!  In order for the message to be received and understood it must be delivered in a way that is congruent with how you really feel.  That means, for example, that if you want to end your relationship and decide you not longer want to communicate with someone, then calling that person to tell him that is incongruent and your message will be misinterpreted.  Calling and talking means communicating, the opposite of not communicating. 

The reason we often fail to deliver a clear message is because we are not clear.  We make futile attempts at taking care of ourselves; we don't do a very good job.  Something in us knows we need to move on, end a relationship that is not loving and healthy, but we simply can't bring ourselves to do it.  We know we need to disengage but it is simply too hard to do.  After all, the relationship isn't all bad, we tell ourselves in an attempt to prolong the inevitable.  But if you know in your heart of hearts that the relationship is no good for you and eventually it will be over, why not end it with dignity and respect on your terms, without the drama that ensues from a prolonged disengagement?  There is nothing worse than going back and forth, knowing that it is bad for you and not being brave enough to end it.

The healthy way to end a relationship is to DISENGAGE.  That means withdrawing the energy from the relationship.  If you continually talk to one another about "ending" the relationship and also constantly begin new conversations, that message is the opposite of the one you want to deliver.  You will never move on from a dysfunctional relationship unless you completely let it go; in other words, stop communicating.  That means, no text, no email, no checking through friends, no reading his facebook page, etc., no anything that keeps you thinking about him and the relationship.  When you withdraw energy from the relationship, eventually the feelings dissipate and you will be able to move on.    

When you want to be done it is important to send a CLEAR message, a message that delivers what it is you want to convey.  YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS HAVE TO MATCH!!   Once you say you are done you need to be done.  Initiate nothing, respond to nothing.  Behaving in a way that is congruent with your feelings gives you self-esteem.  Even though you may be sad that the relationship is really ending there is a sense of authenticity that trumps those sad feelings, a feeling of being brave that nourishes your spirit.  When you live your life courageously, you move on, knowing that something better is waiting for you. 

Trusting the Energy

Everything is energy.  Each one of us creates an energy field that manifests in the form of a vibration.  Even if you do not understand this concept, there is no doubt that all of us can pick up a good or bad "vib" and know when someone's energy is high or low.  Regardless of the excuse you give yourself for not being around a certain person, the reason is always energy; you just don't like how it feels.

Now energy is inextricably linked to consciousness, i.e., the more awake and aware you are, the stronger your energy, the more powerful your vibration.  Everyone vibrates at a certain speed based on their consciousness; the higher your energy, the faster you vibrate.  It's important to understand this because as you become more conscious, the speed at which you vibrate becomes greater and you cease to have the same energy level you had before. 

This is what happens when we change; our vibration changes as well.  Although change is usually a good thing in the long run, in the short run we often end up leaving people behind.  What once seemed a match is now something we move away from.  The question is - do you trust the feeling?  

If you are not used to trusting your feelings, these new feelings will be uncomfortable for you.  You may be feeling the dissonance but don't quite know what to do with it.  Remember, there is a natural moving toward when the energy is in sync and a natural moving away when it is not.  Are you brave enough to pay attention and feel what you are feeling, or do you immediately try and rationalize your feelings or intellectualize them so you can stay? 

Our inner gut, our intuition, always has our best interests at heart.  The more you listen to your intuition, the stronger it gets.  When the mind is quiet, the heart opens.  This means the information that comes to you through your feelings when you least expect it has the ability to tap into what is best for you.  Bypassing the intellect, the heart "feels" what is a match for you and allows you to feel that resonance or dissonance.  Do you trust that?

If you are frantic and your mind is never quiet, you will have hard time tapping into the energy.  The energy is your subconscious mind, the way you REALLY feel, and the way its all going to shake out in the end, whether you think you want it to be that way or not.