Out of Control Anger is Abuse

Are you living with someone whose anger is out of control? Unleashed anger is a form of emotional abuse. Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does your partner’s rage scare you?

• Be honest. Do you recoil when your partner exhibits aggressive behavior?
• Aggressive behavior is designed to shut you up, to cause you to back away, to scare you.
• Anger comes in many forms – verbal as well as physical – psychological as well as emotional and mental.

2. Do you think about everything you say before you say it?

• If part of this scenario is that you have a “walking on eggs” relationship, that means you are tiptoeing around the other person; you are afraid of the other’s reaction.
• Continually thinking what you are going to say before you say it is a form of torture and yet many people live this way.
• There is nothing worse than constantly going over your words, trying to make sure you say the right thing. Once you are in this place, regardless of what you say, it will not be the right thing.

3. Does your partner ridicule you for expressing yourself?

• Do you feel belittled and diminished in this relationship?
• When you express your feelings do you end up wishing you hadn’t?
• Remember – this is the goal of rage and anger and if you continue to participate in this process, it will only get worse.

4. Does your partner go for the jugular, saying things to wound you?

• Knowing another is an honor and when your vulnerabilities are used against you, there is nothing worse.
• Going for the jugular means that your partner knows exactly what to say to hurt you.
• Immediately STOP the conversation.  Disengage.

5. Does your partner throw away your belongings, destroy objects and threaten pets?

• If this is happening, you need to leave immediately.
• Physical violence happens in an instant but builds gradually.
• It is only a matter of time before this relationship escalates into physical abuse.

Comments

[yikes]

what if you are the angry person (not the victim)?

[yikes]

what if you are the angry person (not the victim)?

[Chandra Alexander, MSW]

Anger is really sadness turned upside down. It is a reaction to feelings not felt. Sit quietly - ask yourself - "Why am I really angry?" Feel the feelings. They are usually about loss of some kind. Remember, we also feel a sense of loss and cry about the dreams that don't come true. That also makes us angry. The more you FEEL your true feelings, the less angry you will be.