What Does "loving your Self" mean?

We often hear the phrase “You can’t love anyone else until you love yourself” but what does “Loving yourself “really mean?   Only when you know and love yourself are you ready for real loving.

1. Loving yourself means taking care of your SELF.
   • A client once asked me. “I know this probably seems obvious, but what does “loving yourself” mean in real life?”  I loved the question because it is not as obvious as it sounds. 
   • Loving your “Self” means that you know how to take care of your Self.   It means that you take responsibility for your well-being and happiness and figure out what you need to feel good. 
   • Taking care of your Self applies to both your physical and emotional self – You become your own caring, loving parent.

2. No one can fill that emptiness inside you - except for you. Do not look to someone else to fill that “hole”.
   • If you are born a human, you will have a human struggle, and that struggle is about filling that emptiness inside.  Every one of us deals with that emptiness and we are all faced with making peace with the process.
   • When you expect someone else to make you happy, you are projecting your feelings of incompleteness on another and this will never work.  Only you and you alone, can heal your Self.

3. You attract to you who you really are – this is always accurate.
   • Who we really are is stronger than what we say we want.  Look at whom you are attracting and take responsibility for that “pull”.  Perhaps there’s a lesson that needs to be learned.

4. Ask yourself “What makes me feel good?  What do I like?” You need to like yourself before you can love yourself.
   • Figuring out what makes us feel good is a lifetime process.  In order to do this, we cannot care what anyone else thinks and need to quiet all those other voices in our head other than our own. 
   • In order to do this, the mind must be quiet.  If your mind is always going, always frantic, you will never be able to figure out who YOU are.
   • Eliminate the words “should” and “ought” from your vocabulary.  (When we   say we “should” do something, it is usually the opposite of what we really feel like doing.)

Comments

[James]

This Blog Entry is featured on the Personal Development Carnival. Check it out here:

http://www.thenext45years.com/2008/07/personal-development-carnival-issue-42.html

[Jeanie Marshall]

Chandra,

I appreciate your thoughtful and succinct article on a really important topic.

Many blessings,
Jeanie

[Butler Project]

Great post!

I especially loved what you said about "should" and "ought." I made such a positive change in my own life when I quit using those words! I cringe when others say them.

Thanks for an excellent reminder about loving yourself.